Let’s Talk about Death by Michael Hebb

Written and narrated by Leigh Martinuzzi

Let’s Talk about Death (over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life’s Most Important Conversation

For many of us, the conversation about death is one we’d prefer to avoid not to mention one that we’d be delighted to have while enjoying a meal around the dinner table. In this book, the author, Michael Hebb not only encourages us to talk about death but inspires it. Without a doubt a difficult and uncomfortable topic of conversation yet one that has significant importance.

Death will happen to us all, at least for the inevitable future. And the time of death continues to remain largely undecided. It may be that we live a healthy long life, fortunately passing by natural causes. On the other hand, life may be taken from us earlier than desired by illness or accident. Whatever the case, it’s a guarantee. From what I can gather when that day does come, it is something that is hard to navigate, understand, appreciate and manager regardless of whether it’s us or someone else we know.

Michael Hebb is the founder of Death over Dinner an organisation dedicated to encouraging and assisting groups of people to have conversations about death during dinner. Hebb understands that most people, 90% or more, wish to talk about death but often wait until a rather inconvenient time to do so, like, at an intensive care unit or nursing home. One reason why Michael started this movement.

Death is not limited to any particular community or type of person, it matters to us all. Having studied what drives the secrets to the human connection for over twenty years, Michael found that the dinner table and food combined with a conversation about death could raise human spirit and bring human-connection to a higher level. I tend to agree.

The book has been written in a way that guides us not only on the topics of conversation we could have about death but also in understanding how to initiate, invite, start and close our own conversations on death over dinner. Being that it can be a very sensitive and uncomfortable topic it is important we move towards these events with respect for others while also not taking anything so serious. Hebb guides us on how to do this not with tactics but with compassion.

The conversation starters he presents are numerous and come in a range of tones, practical, funny, spiritual, meaningful, confronting and surprising. In whole, I think they are all very beautiful and special ways to connect on a deeper level with those people we love. Furthermore, a perfect way to bring death to the forefront of our lives that not only will make us appreciate life and each other but also create a sense of peace with death.

To give you a taste of some of the prompts Michael suggest here are a few that stood out to me.

• What foods do you remember a departed loved one cooking for you?
• How would you talk to kids about death?
• If you had thirty days left to live, how would you spend them?
• Do you believe in an afterlife?
• If you were to design your own funeral what would it look like?
• What does good death look like?

There are many others, however, that should give you a little insight into how we can approach the opportunity to discuss death. And I am sure Michael would agree that we shouldn’t limit ourselves to his suggestions. Within each chapter, Michael shares stories of others that have been a part of such conversations. Some are very moving, but all aim to support the benefits that flourish in talking about death.

In reading this book I think you will find the notion of having a dinner focused on a conversation about death, less confronting. It actually has already prompted me to talk about death with my parents, not during dinner but on other occasions. I love the opportunity it creates to connect, understand and bring those we love closer together.

Death it an important topic. Many tribes and cultures have wonderful rituals for celebrating life and personally, I think sometimes we miss out on that a little here in the west. Being with death on a more regular basis shouldn’t be uncomfortable or something to run from but something to embrace, an opportunity to appreciate life and the way we live.

If this book sounds of interest you can purchase Let’s Talk about Death (over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life’s Most Important Conversation here.

Please leave your thoughts, comments & questions below.

Peace, passion and purpose…

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