What Holds Us Back

Written and narrated by Leigh Martinuzzi

Mindset – the established set of assumptions, attitudes or methods held by one or more people or groups of people. It can relate to an incident, world view or philosophy of life.

Psychologist, Carol Dweck, discovered after decades of research that people can be defined by two mindsets and that is the fixed and the growth mindset.

It’s very simple to grasp the concept but what more interesting is how these mindsets that we hold can influence and shape our lives. They can be the cause for much pain in life and the reason many of us get held back or avoid things. Alternatively, they can propel us to achieve levels in life that we may never have thought would be attainable.

A fixed mindset is held by those who believe that intelligence and talent in inherent, something that we are born with. These traits are certainly fixed, and success can be attributed to talent alone.

Those with a growth mindset hold the attitude that intelligence and talent can be developed. They believe that success is achieved through putting in the effort, hard work and dedication.

The good news is that if you have a fixed mindset you can change it! I am sure that is comforting for many of us to hear. Our mindset is a belief system and through practice, like learning to ride a bike, we can learn, develop, alter and improve any pre-existing mindsets so that we can create more positive outcomes in life.

I realised that until not too long ago I was one of those people who held a fixed mindset. This hasn’t always been the case but for this particular time in life, I was fixed in my beliefs. I believed that this was it for me, this was who I am and how life was going to be for me. and more concerning, nothing was going to change that. I was in a rut! My intelligence and ability to do anything different were somehow fixed. Looking back to my upbringing I knew this wasn’t always the case. I’ve have been ambitious and generally always good at trying new things and to “give it a go.”

I wasn’t born with a fixed mindset however at this point of time in my life it may have appeared that way. I wasn’t born with a growth mindset either. Our mindset is developed and according to Dweck, we can be at times parts of both the growth and fixed mindset. Holding onto this belief that who I am and what I am capable of is somehow inherent or fixed has stopped me in life from doing many things that I’ve otherwise wanted to do. This is not an ideal way to live life. Let’s live with no regrets!

I feel that we mostly have a fixed mindset as it relates to our limiting beliefs that we hold. Our attitudes that simply are not true, but we tell ourselves they are. We often do this to avoid any future pain and to avoid failure and embarrassment. If we challenge ourselves on something, a limiting belief, and fail it may deepen our story and suggest a lack of talent and/or intelligence. We start to believe that there are certain things in life that we are just not cut out for.

A mindset, positive or negative develops through experience and the best way to make a change is through new experiences. Do not succumb to the defeat of failure – rise above it and keep pushing forward. That is the best way to stop a fixed mindset from forming

Public speaking is something many of us avoid and really don’t like. Due to this, we create a narrative that we are not suited for public speaking. I’m not good at it! Others are better at that sort of thing! Such narratives prevent us from even trying. I for one have always been petrified of speaking and the best way I could overcome this was to get up in front of people and speak. I still get nervous anytime I have to speak but at least now I know I can do it and that helps make it somewhat easier.

We all have inner desires to do certain things and then fear steps in the way. Our brain starts creating a story around some fixed narrative and then procrastination kicks in. We realise that by avoiding the thought or even giving it a go, we can keep our dignity.

Public speaking was one of these challenges for me. A desire and yet I always found a way to avoid the opportunity.

Why did I decide to change? What triggered me to get up of the couch and start believing in me again?

I was sick of conforming; I was sick of being part of the status quo. I was sick of not following my heart. I started to listen to other successful and inspiring people, many who have become my mentors in life. I started to believe that I could do anything. I could stand up in front of people and speak with confidence and inspire groups of people.

With practice and continual effort, I grew. My growth mindset developed, my attitudes towards what I could achieve changed. My attitude towards life changed. I am now a confident public speaker. Thank you, Toastmasters!

With a growth mindset, anything you set your mind to can be developed. You start to believe that any challenge when embraced and acted upon, with all your effort, dedication and hard work, can be achieved.

Failure is no longer an obstacle but rather an opportunity to improve. You begin to appreciate feedback, not as something that reveals that you lack talent or skill but something that allows you to find a solution and ways to improve and learn.

In fact, as you strengthen your growth mindset muscle, you start willingly to throw yourself at new challenges. It becomes more interesting to stretch yourself and learn new capabilities through experience.

This burning passion ignites a fire within you that almost becomes unstoppable. Life becomes more about learning rather than proving you’re smart. The feeling you get when you accomplish something that you set out to achieve excites you further and pushes you beyond whatever you imagined in the past to be possible.

A fixed mindset is not fixed! It can be challenged and changed. It starts with a belief. It starts by believing in you. Surround yourself by those who will support you and put yourself in environments that encourage the growth mindset and soon you will find your life is on a new path. A path that is one of continual learning and improvement. A path that excites you and gets you out of bed with passion. A life in which anything is possible. A journey of happiness.

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.