Where the Ego Thrive – Unhealthy Environments

I had a great conversation with Cy Wakeman recently. We discussed her book, No Ego. During the interview, I learnt a lot about the ego, specifically how the ego added to workplace drama reduced business effectiveness. As Cy suggests, the ego takes us down the path of bitching, moaning and whining (BMW).

In our chat, Cy also made an interesting comment that leads me to the thought that the ego thrives in unhealthy environments. In this article, I wish to discuss the ego and the habitats it thrives. I do so with hope to explain why healthy conditions that we create and live within are essential if we wish to reach our peak state of being in life. Grubby environments are not.

In Ego is the Enemy, a book by Ryan Holiday, he suggests that the ego is our greatest internal enemy that if not conquered it will conquer us. If not now, it will eventually, if not tamed. The ego has us obsessed with self, and this can be destructive if not understood. Awareness is a good practice in helping us see the faults of the ego and self-obsessed pursuits. It’s a worthwhile read.

However, I wasn’t convinced that the ego is all evil. I am mutual in my position with the belief that perhaps the ego is good for motivation and ambition – the same thing that helps both individuals progress and humanity push forward. However, it must be harnessed or yes; it could be accountable for our regression.

The ego is inescapable. It is part of the package. We cannot merely put it to bed or forget about it, like the notion of self, it is always with us. Therefore, perhaps it is not the ego which is the enemy but our understanding of how it operates, and when and where it best thrives.

I have had a fortunate upbringing in what I’d consider a reasonably healthy life. I did all that I could to disrupt that in my teens and throughout my 20’s, poisoning myself physically and mentally. I am not a perfect example of health, but I’ve come to appreciate why healthily is critical for a good life. For years it’s been my battle to improve my lifestyle and to clean up my filthy ways. I haven’t won, and maybe never will, but I am making some ground.

A body and mind that is poisoned is the perfect breeding ground for the ego. And the ego, which is an unhealthy obsession and attachment to self, I believe, is the most significant determinant of our suffering in life.

The suffering we experience in life isn’t a result of the actions we take. I have found that the immediacy of both pleasures and pain seem always to depart as easy as they arrive. I feel many of us are aware of this. Moments in life are fleeting regardless of the experience at hand.

Suffering isn’t about how we feel or our thoughts at any given moment. They may appear to be, but appearances are one thing, but honestly understanding the essence of our feelings, emotions and thoughts and then how we respond to them is another. In contemplation, we may see that they are a consequence of our self-obsession.

The more I think about it, the suffering I experience is often a cause of my constant attempt to dismantle my ego. To liberate myself from the self-induced conditions that I create and which are sufferable. They have me in a continual state of aversion, noting is ever satisfactory, and nothing ever will be. Fueled by a desire to fleet my current situation, find solutions to mask my pains, or clinging to pleasures as if without them I’d be nothing.

Perhaps the ego is the dark side of the Self. And I knew that in poor health my dark sides shined. My ego ruled! It is the roadblock to living the ultimate life.

Our sense of self is our most important story. On the most basic level, it is our sense of self-importance, our sense of belonging, our ability to live with meaning. It is our identity. It is the gateway between life and death. Self in Latin means ‘I’. If there is no ‘I’ or no ‘me’ than what is this existence? Without the conscious and unconscious concept of self, there’d be no ‘me’ – no being to exist.

As Yuval Noah Harari illustrates in his book Sapiens, the reason why humans rule the Earth is that we can create and believe in stories. It allows humans to be flexible cooperate in large numbers towards a united goal. Stories give meaning to the interactions of all relationships that exist within the universe. Stories are fictitious, but if we believe in them, they assist us in our evolution and progress.

When we connect and believe in our own story that gives us the fuel and ambition to learn, to grow, to love, to be curious and to advance. It becomes our guideline for our we interact with our reality via our thoughts and behaviours, that intently or not will allow us to live more meaningful lives. This story is reliant on acknowledging the existence of the self. So you see, the self is not all that bad.

I’d suggest that most successful people begin their careers in a selfish pursuit only to later become more inspired by a sense of other and contribution. Others, as Ryan Holiday illustrates in his book, become so caught up in their egocentric self that it leads to their demise or unsuccess. Why?

Here is one theory. The reason we don’t live successful lives or spiral away from success after achieving it is that we create unhealthy environments that force us to lose touch with the truth or reality of the self. And as I said already, a body and mind that is poisoned become the perfect breeding ground for the ego. The ultimate reason is that in such conditions we are less able to be aware of the obsessive nature of the ego. We let the ego control our thoughts and our very next move.

The ego is less concerned and compassionate about others. It is neither worried about purpose, progress, advancement or curiosity. It doesn’t seem to understand the essence of life with meaning, freedom, fulfilment or happiness. It thinks it does, but because it is so caught up in its self-created toxicity, it doesn’t see clearly. In this environment, all it can think about is how it can help itself out of the suffering. Holding onto the good and trying, with whatever means possible, to escape the bad. That is the downside of the ego – the dark side of self.

Unhealthy environments include both the environment we exist in, our surroundings, and our inner health, both body and mind. The sole purpose of life is survival yet when unhealthy conditions exist I believe there is a biological perceived threat created. Our natural instinctual tendency is to avoid danger so to protect this primary purpose of life – survival. How do we defend ourselves against the threat? Do whatever it takes to protect thy self.

In regards to our external environment, there are elements in our control and outside our power to change. That which we can influence or escape we should. Internally, what we consume both body and mind, and how we treat this vehicle of life is entirely within our ability to convert to a healthier state. It might take work, but it’s worth it.

When it comes to health and the ego, if we start by minimising the unhealthy aspects of our life we can begin to gain awareness, clarity and cognitive ability thus diminishing the power the ego has over our thoughts and behaviours. Start first with whatever you can. It might mean beginning with the most comfortable first and working backwards from there or starting with the most damaging behaviours and thought processes first. If we clean up our internal garden, we have more ability to contribute, serve and inspire surrounding gardens to follow suit.

Finally, when we start to improve the health conditions of our life and loosen the grip of the ego, we can better learn to let go. The self is our guide, our sense of story and worthy of keeping by our side but if we can lose attachment to the selfish pursuits inspired by the ego’s fears and sufferings, we may walk in greater peace and service to the rest of the universe. The ego thrives in unhealthy environments.

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.

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