Finding Happiness: Some Practical Advice

Written by Leigh Martinuzzi

The primary pursuit in life is happiness. Well, that is my belief and despite that, I also understand it’s not. I realise that in the deeper constructs of our human being there are more purposeful motivations in life. The fundamentals of life – love, connection, status, certainty, progress, reproduction, and survival, to name a few. Regardless, for many of us, happiness seems to occupy a decent level of focus in our lives.

The question I ask is what is it and how do we find it?

Our surface level motivations arise from our core human needs. On a daily basis, it is very unlikely that we make the connection between a surface level motivation and its fundamental source.

The reason you desire a new car is because you simply like nice cars. It’s practical, you need it for work. Or perhaps it’s just your current wheels are getting old. Unknowingly, the true reasons are to satisfy a level of status in your life, for the purpose of attracting the opposite mate (reproduction), maintaining strong bonds, creating a sense of belongingness, and to give you meaning and certainty.

When you acquire that new car a part of you will be fulfilled. A little happier. However, the truth is that the new car smell lasts longer than the sense of happiness you gained after purchasing it. The tangibles in our lives are often very ineffective at raising one’s overall level of happiness. Falsely misleading, aren’t they?

Jim Carey once said that he wished everyone in the world could achieve fame and fortune because then they would know that fame and fortune do not bring us happiness. External items or extrinsically motivated desires may for a short-term raise our feelings of happiness however with nothing internally changed, generally, things return to the level they were before. Such paths move in circles.

Happiness may not be what you think it is. What do you think it is? A question that is worth asking. How do you define happiness?

I encourage you to sit down and contemplate this for a while. Put pen to paper and take note. When you write, to me happiness is defined as (fill in the blank), then ask why?

Investigate the link of your desires in life to the fundamental human needs. Here they are again, relationships, status, significance, reproduction, survival, food, hunger, growth, progress. Ask yourself, if I achieved “XYZ,” will that result in a permanent increase in my happiness?

Happiness is not externally sourced. It is found within. This isn’t to say that extrinsic matters are irrelevant to one’s overall happiness. Our environment plays an integral role as to the value and satisfaction we derive from life. Early in life, we have little control over our environment, however, later in life, we can aim to both influence it and how we adapt or interact with it. How we do so is an internal matter.

Here are the facets of life that we attach our happiness too: how we wish to be, what we want to do, and what we desire to have. Be, do and have. If what you wish to be, do and have is influenced by external forces and not driven by your inner self, you may never find satisfaction.

Having a nice car is not a problem. Working in a bank isn’t either. Wanting to achieve an award or wishing to be a poet has no distaste or unworthiness. It is the Why that must be challenged, and the source of such interests that need to be questioned. If they are not aligned with a fundamental human need that attaches itself to something you truly value in life then I’d argue that it is not a guaranteed path to happiness.

We need to live aligned with human fundamentals that are integral to our values. These are internal matters that cannot be found externally. Do not look to your neighbours for the answers. Seek no comparison to others. Families, friends, foes all share advice, wisdom, criticism and judgement yet at the end of the day happiness is sourced from within.

How then to find happiness? Know that happiness is not found in physical or tangible items. It is not reached in achieving goals. It has little to do with what you do or how you are at any given moment. Happiness is about being content with how you are living your life, as it matters to you, regardless of the pleasure or suffering you may be experiencing. Happiness is found in the intrinsically lead pursuit.

When you know what you value and why you value it, as it relates to our core human motivations and needs, and then pursue a course in life that honours this, you create purpose. It will allow detachment from the unnecessary. It will release you from any comparison. A purpose will lead you to a deeper sense of meaning in life. It will be freeing. It will be fulfilling. It may bring with it more lasting moments of happiness.

Leave your thoughts, comments and questions below. Reach out directly by email of social media. Peace, Passion & Purpose.

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.