HATE – We All Hate!

Written by Leigh Martinuzzi

“The people we discriminate against are in our public politics and in our culture are also the groups of people most likely to be bullied in school. That is not a coincidence. That’s hate!” Sally Kohn

Hate is an intense dislike for someone or something.

Why do we hate? Perhaps the primary reason for “hate” is that we believe that someone or something may bring threat to our survival. A threat to our tribe. A threat to our Self, our ego!

Humans require belonging. We need to be part of our group. It not only satiates our sense of well-being, importance and meaning in life but a group provides us with protection. These things are essential to our survival.

A threat to our tribe is a threat to our belonging. Our sense of place in this world. If we wish to remain within the “in-group” then we must dislike or hate those of the “out-group.”

Sally Kohn says that the primary motive behind hate is the notion that we are fundamentally good and that “they” are not. It is the root of hate. They are hateful we are not. For we do not always see eye to eye.

Politics, opinions, beliefs, values, morals and the foundations of our entire culture differ from our neighbours. It is this culture that creates hate

Psychologists suggest hate is sourced in a number of ways. It arises from the fear of others and of the fear of Self. As stated above, when there is a risk that others might impact or threaten our survival or our group’s survival, we produce hate.

Much of this hate is usually not be substantiated. It also may be a threat to our personal survival or that of our tribes. However, hate does not need to have substance. If we perceive it that they are bad, and we are good that is likely enough to instigate hate.

Belief does not cause a threat to our survival or well-being. Hate is an emotion. The resulting actions are what cause damage. Hate transformed into belief and belief transformed into unnecessary, risky and unkind behaviour.

Emotional suffering, physical violence and damage to property all instigated by hate. Intimidation, bullying, harassment, force, violence, threat and hostility all because something is different, uncommon, uncertain, scary or not familiar to that of our conditioned cultural being.

We also project hate. Hate that lurks beneath the surface of our skin. What we see in others that we dislike about ourselves. We mirror our self-hatred onto others whose actions or behaviours may be similar. The fear of self.

Where does all this hate arise? Sally Kohn argues that “For better or worse we are all a product of the culture around us,” and goes on to suggest that, “the good news is we can change it.”

The opposite energy of hate is love. Therefore, to tackle hate we need to bring love. That comes to us through practising kindness, empathy, compassion, self-compassion and forgiveness.

First, we lead the change of hate in our culture within. Practice self-loving and kindness. From there we can lead others by example. If culture is defined by how we do things, then how you do things with love, not hate, will influence the culture around you.

This article was inspired by my interview with Sally Kohn and her TED talk (below).

I also wrote an article on Love that you can read here.

607 Love And Belonging – By Leigh Martinuzzi

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.