What do you do when faced with disbelievers and the naysayers?

For many of us it can be the ones we are surrounded by, the ones that we love, that love us, the people that are in our life that can often put stop to our dreams.

We are also confronted by those that we somehow associate with, the ones that tell us that what we dream, what we desire to do and to achieve, is the impossible.

The ones we love usually do it to try and protect us from self-harm. Our parents tell us that it wont work based on their experience.  Our friends don’t want to see us fail or find disappointment.

For the others, they are envious and really don’t want to see us succeed. They are the ones wishing that they had the courage to follow their heart.

There are other reasons, too. The biggest reason people don’t take action, don’t believe in their own dreams and even become the naysayer for another’s dreams is due to the way we have been conditioned.

To stand up against the status quo is not normal, it is not what is done. Only the successful have the right to do such things. This is just how life is; sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.

“Sometimes we have to do things, we don’t like.” I heard this from the mouth of someone very near to me. It cut me- it hurt!

I agree that not everything I do I will love entirely but my goal is to make it only a very small part of all that I do. And that for most of what I desire to do, I will and can find a way to enjoy it.

If you work in a job that consumes 50 per cent of your waking life and you don’t enjoy it, change now. Quit! Do something else. Stop listening to the world and start doing something of more meaning.

I will follow the 80/20 rules in my life. If 80 percent of what I do I enjoy and only 20 percent is not so fun, then I am on a win in life.

The larger point I wish to make here though is reflection. When someone tells you that you cannot do something, when you are confronted by disbelievers and the naysayers the best thing you need to do before you take action is reflect.

Too often in life we simply just respond. When someone tells you that you can’t, think before you respond. There is a great quote that goes, “life is 10 percent of what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond”, by Lou Hotlz.

I was shut down the other night when I shared some more clarity around my bigger vision in life. I was sharing my thoughts on what I truly desire to do with my life and perhaps a path that would be worth exploring.

I was met with the questions like, “how is that going to work” and “why would someone follow you?” How, why, what, bla bla bla, not possible, shut down!

My immediate response would usually be to put up my barriers, start an argument or simply say, “fuck you and fuck off”. This wouldn’t have been a very wise response I would think. I try refrain from such negative responses these days.

Instead I opted for reflection. I didn’t get angry, sad or tell myself that this person was right; I didn’t even ask the person to further clarify their message. I went silent; I went searching internally for the deeper message. From there I went into reflection mode.

This is good for me. I like to really understand the truth behind what was said. If I immediately respond I immediately shut off all options by just choosing one, and that is my own under-developed and unthought-of response.

If I were a gangster holding a gat I may just have shot this person as an immediate response, boom, no more naysayer, yet I most likely still would have had that niggling thought in my head even after I just shot the creator of that thought dead.

The perception of the situation is all simply that, a perception. What she meant and how I interpret it may be too very different things. However when I spent time internally, thinking about it all, trying to understand why it was said, and really looked at the various options, with open eyes, I am more able to move on.

When someone tells you that you can’t or that something you desire to do is impossible its easy to fill up with self-doubt, its even easier to get this self-doubt when the person who says it is someone you love or someone closer to you.

Self-doubt is a killer of progression. We must really understand our own self-doubt and find, come hell or high water, how to rid ourselves of this crushing defeat in our life’s purpose.

Reflection is just one way. I sat and I thought, and I wrote down my thoughts. I tried to understand why it was said. Is it really impossible for me to desire such things? Is it really that far out of reach for me to make this dream into more a lifestyle and reality?

Is it something personal against who I am, am I not the right role model? Perhaps I am not a great lover or father. I don’t have great success nor am I a perfect role model for health or life in general. I have bouts of depression, sometimes I loose my temper, have mood swings and often to I do stupid shit.

So much reflection yet in this I realised that all these thoughts were just my perception and take-outs from the very short-lived moment of doubt this person had towards my dreams.

What I think and what was actually meant will only align really if I go back and ask some questions to really try to gain deeper understanding but will I do this? Most likely not, why? I do not need to discover any further reason to doubt myself or indeed have any further discouragement towards attaining my goals and dreams.

I also found that in reflection I took something away that is true. I feel this was the person’s message, and while I cannot be sure of this certainly after reflection I understand this to be my message also.

Any self-doubt that was there was pushed aside and instead I explored the reason why someone would think my mission might be so out of reach. Why does their disbelief in my ability to truly achieving this exist?

My perceived belief that they hold over me in taking this path and having success made a connection with me. It is this belief that now I have to overcome so that next time this belief will have no reason to exist by another or even within myself.

Sometimes, no often, in reflection can we have moments of clarity. Clarity for what it is that truly holds us down or makes us fearful of progression, or doing something that goes against the grain.

Sometimes it is this clarity that assists us in discovering our own obstacles in life. The disbelief from others in doing what you desire my only be overcome if you can remove the reason for their disbelief.

Reflect and find out what that reason is and than rather than to discontinue forward on your mission you may instead continue to pursue your dreams, your purpose.

Pivot, seek more knowledge, further your education and grow. Nothing is real others than our perception of what is. We have the power to change our perceptions and certainly the perceptions others have of us.

Through your actions, behaviours and leading by example can you really create stronger neurological beliefs. Avoid those disbelievers and practice the art of self-reflection. It will assist you on your journey in living life with greater passion and purpose.

Until next time, peace, passion and purpose.