Why a Life of Fulfilment & Freedom Will Raise Our Happiness. Fact or Fiction?

I am my own happiness. I am my own life’s fulfilment and for that I continue the search. I seek constantly to discover, unlock and connect more deeply with my soul. What I have learnt as I venture further towards truth and the meaning of life is that real fulfilment is not an easy feat however it is possible for all of us.

You see the idea of fulfilment in our current world has been twisted and distorted to a point now where we no longer even understand what true fulfilment looks and feels like. Having travelled so far down a path away from how life should actually be we now look for superficial ways to greater fulfilment. Nowadays, for many, fulfilment is like fiction – an imaginary, dreamy place that doesn’t truly exist. The fact however is that it does exist!

Fulfilment is the achievement, attainment or realisation of something. This may be something we desire – a goal, something promised or something predicted. We become satisfied and fulfilled when these are realised. The issue that is commonly found is that even when such things are achieved, one’s level of happiness is not certain to rise. Actually, often it leaves us feeling more empty than we set out.

The successful are not the happiest people alive. Why? It is because while they may have riches and possessions that many of us believe are the prize in life, they are simply not fulfilled. One study suggests that while the successful might be in a greater position to obtain happiness due to their circumstances that they are in fact only on average 10% happier than the rest of us.

I recently listened to an interview that Tim Ferriss did with Tony Robbins that became my motivation for writing this post. Now, if you think of Tony, what do you believe? I assume majority of you reading this know of him and likely you would perceive him to be totally in control, happy and fulfilled.

Naturally we base our perceptions on what we see. He has built an empire with revenues this year of over $5 billion, he constantly travels the world speaking and inspiring mass audiences and he does what he wants. In this interview Tony shares his spiritual journey and his awakening to fulfilment in life. He shares a few stories and examples to emphasise his point but what really hit me was that even Tony is still on a quest to really define his own life’s fulfilment.

Just to clarify, I think Tony is likely very stable and in life, however, the idea that he still raises that age old questions, “what’s it all for?”, makes me satisfied and further convinced that it doesn’t make a lick of difference of all your successes, all your achievements, all your possession, if you’re re not first fulfilled all this stuff means bugger all.

We have created a society obsessed with superficial happiness. For much of my 20’s I was apart of that and my chase was all about money, possessions, and extrinsic experiences and feelings. I was dissolved in how I thought life was meant to be lived and I was no happier. I made this discovery not by choice but by force and it is one of the grandest things ever to have happened to me.

I began to unlock myself from the chains of society, I began to disconnect from everything I once believed and everything I thought I knew. The drive towards more short-term superficial happiness started to fade and the real driving force kicked in – freedom!

The journey this has led me on has been absolutely eye opening. My values remain the same but my beliefs on how to live them have almost back flipped, and they continue to do so. My essence has not changed, my essence always existed even within the chase, however, it is no longer being covered or masked by behaviours that are non-conducive to the connection with my authenticity. This is allowing me to further express, expose and uncover my full potential.

The lessons that I will share with you should not be taken as universal fact, as they are not. They are however fact to me as I base them on what I have experienced including how and why they have helped me to continually and gradually reach more happiness and fulfilment in life.

I don’t believe fulfilment in life is fiction, I don’t believe it’s saved only for a select few of us, I don’t believe it is reached by following the status quo nor is it the path that society has created. I believe that to reach fulfilment in your own life you have to walk your own path. I believe that to gain greater meaning and happiness in life that you have to start searching internally within.

“True success, true happiness lies in freedom and fulfillment.” Dada Vaswani

For most of my teenage life and my early 20’s I searched for love. I grew up from a loving family, beautiful family and three elder brothers that I admire, look up to and love deeply. Love was all around me until I delved more into my independence. At times I felt so lonely that I felt depressed – poetry that I wrote from that period reflect my anger and sorrow. My belief was that to be happier I needed to find love, I needed to be loved.

Low and behold I found it. I meet an amazing girl who to this day I am still with. My happiness with her is great but life has a way of levelling out. We had the initial lovers hi. As selfish as this seems the request and demand to be loved did not and still does not give me any heightened level of happiness.

I was career hungry. In my teens I was a hippie at heart yet in my 20’s there I was in the cooperate arena, working for the man as an executive manager across various companies. The money was huge, more than I really knew what to do with and I had all the physical possession I desired. I use to buy shit just for the sack of buying shit. I bought I set of golf clubs once with all the bells and whistles and 8 years later I thought of selling it, never once used, other than for the occasional cane toad cull.

“There is no fulfillment in things whatsoever. And I think one of the reasons that depression reigns supreme amongst the rich and famous is some of them thought that maybe those things would bring them happiness. But what, in fact, does is having a cause, having a passion. And that’s really what gives life’s true meaning.” Ben Carson

Possessions raise levels of happiness, temporarily. I had two cars, several properties and money in the bank. Today I don’t own any of them and while I still value the experiences money can bring I no longer base my happiness on it, rather I base my happiness on freedom.

Too often do we look externally for happiness yet the answers are never there. If you seek happiness from love you will continually seek love. The answer is to give love and not half-heartedly but fully and unconditionally. This is a human need that must be nourished. Happiness in life is not gained through what we take from the world but rather through what we give.

Externally we try heal our pain and suffering by material possessions. We invest in Kardashian branded make-up, Gucci watches, fast cars that stroke our ego and attempt to raise our status – and they may. However, what they don’t do is make as any more fulfilled in life. They don’t bring any long-term happiness and they don’t bring with them more freedom, actually I think they often restrict our freedom locking us into the system making it hard to escape.

I try live my life as a minimalist now and still find myself tempted in the act of consumption, buying stuff that I don’t need, and when I catch myself must slap myself in the face. I know longer make the money I used to yet I still remain in the top 1% of income earners globally. For this I remain grateful. I have everything I need and own less. I have more freedom, I am more fulfilled and in that I am happier.

Status and position no longer are my concern. I would suggest no one needs worry about this. My message is all about living life with greater passion and purpose. I learnt that extrinsically a job, a tittle, status was all mastery in disguise. I have learnt that doing what I love, following a passion or passions has allowed me to develop greater mastery. All the other stuff was externally motivated and pleasing whereas now its directed inwardly.

Motivation that is more intrinsic leads to greater personal growth and development. It takes you closer towards a life that is living within your true potential. Like love or the need for social connections, constant and continual growth is another critical human need. Without it life will be without meaning. You will exist but you will never truly live.

Happiness is found in following your passions in life not in superiority of status. Superiority seeks to demand respect and admiration among others yet in following your passions you will create that following not demand it.

“By virtue of being born to humanity, every human being has a right to the development and fulfillment of his potentialities as a human being.” Ashley Montagu

The fundamental driving force behind all human beings is freedom and if it is not in your life yet, it needs to be! Freedom comes in many shapes, sizes and forms. One pair of pants will not fit everyone just as one mould of life will not satisfy everyone. If it is happiness that you truly seek the first step is to understand this and the second step is to unchain yourself. Start to discover the life that fits you.

Freedom is not found within the Latte’ you drink nor is it found in the porn you watch; they may raise your level of happiness momentarily as like many stimulants they release our instinctual happy chemicals. However, happy chemicals like any drug don’t last forever. Freedom wont be found in your next pay cheque, it wont lay beyond that next promotion, freedom will only be found when you awaken your soul and start living in alignment.

All humans value autonomy, we all crave the ability to be entirely in control of our own lives. Society is created to control us not the other way around. However, the fact is that our reality is created by our perception of it and our perception is 90% created from our own brain – our beliefs and our thoughts.

As humans we attempt to control everything that is external without any efforts to control ourselves internally. The truth is, that which is external to your control can not be controlled by your, only influenced, and if you are not internally in control first, your ability to influence it will be weakened. Control only raises happiness when what you seek to control is directly inwardly.

In summary, fulfilment in life is possible for all of us. It is not and should not be left only as a dream – it should be instead what we all strive for. If you seek fulfilment and freedom you will immediately begin to raise your level of happiness in life. Long term fulfilment comes by working on the inside, it comes from personal growth, love, connection and passion for what you do. It means that we must stop looking externally and directly ourselves internally.

Raj Raghunathan, the author of The How of Happiness and the Myths of Happiness, suggests that 10% of our happiness is our circumstances, 50% is our genetic make-up and the remaining 40% has to do with our values, attitudes and habits. If then we can be more grateful for our circumstances, and most of us should be because we have circumstances that exceed majority of the worlds population, we may raise our happiness. Next, we can continually work internally on ourselves through constant personal development – this will further improve our happiness and fulfilment in life.

For the 50% attributed to our genetic make-up, I don’t believe we can use that as a scape goat for living an unfulfilled life. Science has proven more and more through epigenetics that we can actually influence our genes. This research relates to the studies of how we can alter our genes without disrupting our DNA. And without the need detailing this it is essentially affected by the lifestyles we choose.

There is no excuse not to live a fulfilled life. If you are craving more to life, if you a feeling life is currently lacking, if you are truly wanting to live the life you desire, one that is totally aligned and congruent with your truth and authenticity then you can make it happen. The responsibility is all yours. No one will hand it to you, you have to find it. Once you begin you will begin to notice the effects immediately.

“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.” Tony Robbins