There is nothing wrong with you!

Written by Leigh Martinuzzi

The world is in perfect order. Everyone else and everything else seems to be great. Then we look inwardly. “My life sucks!” We get that feeling of irrelevance. Our perspective becomes warped. We begin to believe there is truly something wrong with us.

I believe that is was Jordan Peterson who put it so beautifully in his book, 12 Rules For Life, “there is nothing wrong with you!”

Do you think there is something wrong with you, at times? I have certainly had these feelings. On occasions I still do. However, it couldn’t be further from the truth. We are perfectly brilliant and flawed just as we are.

There is an inner critic that breathes inside of us, dishing out a bit of personal hate from time to time. Is it our enemy? Perhaps it exists within us for a pure and collaborative reason. We regard these “inner demons” as something unjustifiable. Pressures of hate dealt from within. It doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me. Implausible! One of our greatest social injustices. Yet, perhaps it has a purpose.

Why do you think we would think this way? What’s the reason? What’s the benefit? And what’s the cause?

I think it serves a purpose. It’s a guiding light. It helps highlight areas in our lives that perhaps need some attention – areas for improvement. Think about those important elements that are fundamental to one’s overall well-being. The areas of health and our relationships for example. If there is a voice pointing to issues we need to focus on – bringing shame to the forefront of our mind, isn’t that a good thing?

Jordan Peterson suggests in his book, that much like things that are broken in our house when we are aware of them we can fix it. If we are not aware and if nothing is broken, then what do we fix?

If you are feeling a bit fat, a little shapely, chunky. Not a problem. Ask yourself the question, why do you feel this way? How we feel, our emotions, affect how we think which consequently influences our beliefs and resulting behaviours. This is the process of life. This is the path to progression.

If you are receiving a little flack from that inner critic just maybe it’s trying to help you out. It doesn’t mean we need to attach ourselves to any rising thoughts or beliefs, but we could at least listen and try to explore their existence. In this way perhaps we can let go of the resulting shame and instead use it with beneficial intent. If it is not, then discard it.

Understand where the feelings of not enough, irrelevance or that there is something wrong with you comes from. Explore it thoroughly. The reason I suggest this is because often it is an unfair judgement that is backed by our need to compare ourselves to everyone and everything else in life.

Intrinsic sources may lead to the conclusion that yes, we could make mends within certain areas of our life. Rule 3 in Peterson’s 12 rules for life suggest that we should compare ourselves to who we were yesterday, not to someone else today. There is a good reason to continually make improvements to oneself. Much research suggests that human progress is the fuel to living a life with joy and happiness. This inner critic and intrinsic self-assessment may have a role to play.

The inner turmoil that arises out of comparison to the rest of the world is less worthy. Why should I be judged based on how someone else lives their life? I do not accept it or appreciate it when others compare me to someone else so then why do I judge myself in this way?

Comparison to anyone else can be detrimental to the quality of our life. In the modern age, it is more paramount than before. Most of us are constantly scrolling our Facebook feed and comparing our lives to that of others. We are exposed to mass media consumption showing us how we should live, who we should be, what we should own and how we should behave.

The complexities of our human condition make these types of comparisons invaluable. Firstly, most of what we compare ourselves to are only a portion of what is true. We do not post pictures of our shitty days, nor do we see other posts of people at their worst. We see beauty, glitz and glamour, then we think that is how our life should look and when we realise it is not, even despite all efforts of trying to make it be, we become disheartened. We feel like a failure, not enough, irrelevant, useless, hopeless – like there is something wrong with us.

Secondly, in comparison, we are not guided towards improvements that will actually serve a purpose to our personal journey. If we are guided by what everyone else is doing don’t we then simply become more of the same? Wouldn’t we then find ourselves walking the same path as everyone else? Isn’t this what it means to live the status quo? What a bore.

We should listen to what is churning within. Our thoughts affect us. They affect how we behave, the habits we have, the decisions we make and the outcomes we live with. Listen but listen with care. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday and make the improvements that matter to you, to your life, to how you truly want to be. Disregard the externally driven motivations found in comparing yourself to everyone and everything else.

There is nothing wrong with you. It’s not you! It’s not the others! It’s your systems and practices. Change them and change the course of your future. The best systems and practices are the ones that strengthen your quality of being. They must be explored.

Open your eyes to the reality that there is indeed nothing wrong with you.

Leave your thoughts, comments and questions below. Reach out directly by email of social media. Peace, Passion & Purpose. 

Further Reading and Resources 

TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading

Psychology Today: Psychology Today is devoted exclusively to everybody’s favourite subject – Ourselves

Life Hack: Tips for Life

Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y

Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.

The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.

Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain

Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate

The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.

American Psychological Association: The largest scientific and professional organization of psychologists in the United State

The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citiens.

Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.

Brain Pickings: An inventory of cross-disciplinary interestingness, spanning art, science, design, history, philosophy, and more.

Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.

Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.

Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.” 

Addicted 2 Success: Motivation & Inspiration Website full of quotes and inspiring articles for entrepreneurs.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.

The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.