A Thought On Self-Sabotage

You know what you want. The Self-knows it. But you also see what you are comfortable with so you choose to do what you know. You have ambitions, you know you’d love to sing and inspire many, jumping like a mad dog from a stage into the crowd, but your consciousness and subconscious has no concept of this.

The subconscious is to be responsible for 95 to 99 percent of all our behaviours. It is controlling us. It brings to our reality what we know and what we believe to know. To believe that we might be a major rock star some day singing from stage to thousands of fans may be hard to grasp. Dreams are always hard to convince ourselves or others of their possibility.

To sit and drink and eat pasta, followed by wine, banter with friends, playing games or watching a movie, now this is familiar. This kind of common behaviours I have no problem in pursuing.

The mind much like the universe attracts to it what it knows. How do you find a way around this? I want to inspire, I want to motivate, I want to be something else, the David Wood, the Tony Robbins, the spiritual wise guy, but I have no idea how. I can learn I can better understand yet I am no nearer that state of being that I desire.

Perhaps this is all that is and will be. I don’t think it is, nor do I wish for it to be, but it just might be. As I look at life as it exists, understanding the history and evolution and human kind, and even experience an ability to manipulate my reality, I know that reality is a creation of the conscious mind.

Law, rules, life, happiness, what is it, and what is my ambition for doing as I desire? It is no more real than the computer than I type on – a mere conjuring of energy, atoms and perception. Maybe more! I cannot be sure.

Science suggests that the idea of “free will” is an illusion. Neurologists have discovered that our behaviours are simply responses to the electro-energy pulses that cause our neurons to fire and us to act. Based on our environment, our past all the way back to our birth and beyond. Our evolutionary genes are also partly responsible.

If this is the case and our life is without choice, then who we are and what does it all mean? If I were to recede, fall back, smoke opium, seek constant pleasure in the attempt to avoid or not to accept displeasure would I be any happier or real? That kind of thought brings me to the ground. I wonder why I don’t seek to drug myself – and then I remember how much more clear and how much more pleasure I have by not drugging myself. I am guilty of over-drinking but not so much anymore. The conditioning of the past is sometimes difficult to clean up. It takes time! Acknowledge this and persist.

It has been said the intoxication much like food, shelter and warmth is a need. The need to detach ourselves from the illusion of Self. Become at one with the universe and see greater truths beyond the mesmerising chaotic state of mind that we as a collective society have become bound.

Throughout our evolutionary process, it seems each advancement that has promised to bring us greater joy and a higher quality of life has also taken away some of our ability to live with freedom, fulfilment and happiness. Our lifestyles are having an impact on our ability to meet our fundamental human needs – growth, health, expression, significance, contribution and love.

It makes sense to me to take drugs. Mind-altering drugs. While I use to think I enjoyed smoking cigarettes it makes less sense to me now. I would be better off smoking something to remove me from my absorption in my Self.

Animals intoxicate. Dolphins eat puffer fish. Elephants, apes, and monkeys get drunk on fermented fruit. Others take ayahuasca. Goats eat magic mushrooms, and wallabies eat poppy seeds. Many animals like to get high! Escaping our Self is not an uncommon notion.

Meditation is perhaps the cleanest and healthiest way to do this. While it is not a process of leaving the body, it is a process of observing and better understanding the mind, the sanctuary in which the concept of Self is formed.

Like free will, however, the Self is also an illusion. The soul, the Self, the why, they do not exist, and yet we can all relate to some form of them. It feels like we have a choice or free will in life. Just as it feels as if we are the drivers of the Self that propels us on our unique paths in life and differentiates us from others. It gives us a sense of separation, and maybe that is part of the cause for some of our suffering.

Some issues may arise from accepting determinism a belief that there is no free will. To acknowledge that there is no Self might seem liberating, but how might it be damaging to the quality of life we live?

If you are not responsible for your actions, if you have no choice, if who you are and who you will become is outside your control then why do anything at all? Living with such notions will kill ambitions, motivation and inspiration to search for meaning in life. An attachment to an identity of Self creates meaning in life and at the same time can lead to greater suffering.

Such belief will also dull our senses to the experience of life through a lack of effort to experience more. It will limit us in our pursuit of self-progression. We will become less grateful, less willing, less giving, less creative, less caring, less moral, less relevant. Only the last of these may bring some benefits for I think it is when we let go of the importance and attachment to the Self we can truly be free. As for the rest, they will only bring about greater unhappiness in life.

Self-sabotage is the will to damage, destroy or obstruct our own lives. Why would any of us wish to block the paths of our journey forward in life, it seems ludicrous but is often the case. We know what we want but what stops us from getting it? Resources, time, knowledge or skill? Is it any of these things?

Resources are abundant and more accessible than ever. Time is limited and decreasing every single moment, so waiting is not a good idea. If anything the knowledge of this should be our greatest motivation to get out of our way and take action towards living our dreams. Right now you have the most time you ever will so use it wisely and use it with great purpose.

Knowledge and skill can be learned, and in the age of information, we are surrounded by it. It might be that the only thing holding us back from progressing and living the life we desire is the Self or more specifically the attachment to a particular identity of Self.

If our actions are constantly being predicted based on our past perhaps what we do next is out of our control. Our unconsciousness may be keeping living in the environment and state of being that we are familiar. How can we influence all of this? The best way I know of is by becoming more aware of the mind.

If neurons fire based on our past experiences what if we manipulate them towards how we wish to act in the future by pushing ourselves into new and unfamiliar experiences? I think we can.

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it achieves, whatever you think about the most you become.” Napoleon Hill

First, we have to stop taking life so seriously. Relax! Your survival and my survival is worth caring about, but we are no more important or separate from the grand cosmos than a blade of grass or grain of sand. Acknowledging this is useful. If you find it hard then look into the night sky and try to find the reason why we are more important than anything else that does or may exist out there.

How we wish to live and breathe through what we do matters. So do the experiences we have and how we feel. Doing good and avoiding actions that may cause ourselves or others suffering. That stuff is important. After we go, and death is common to us all, we take nothing with us. All that remains is what we have given in life. And we are best able to give when we stop our self-sabotage.

Secondly, we must better understand the Self. Meditation and mindfulness practices will allow you to assess the mind and contemplate life and in practice, it will have significant benefits. With this kind of understanding, you will better understand why you do as you do, why others do as they do, why things exist as they are. It will allow you to appreciate the moment as it is and avoid the traps and discomfort of the past or the future that do not exist.

Finally, create the new comfort that you desire by moving beyond your current comfortable states. If what keeps us where we are is the fear of stepping out of our comfort zone what happens if we change those fears by stepping into these new dimensions.

Step up on a stage and sing to crowds and see what happens to the subconscious mind. Influence our realities by taking action towards the dreams we have, and we will experience the change of the mind and how it goes about creating and interpreting the reality we live.

Self-sabotage is real. I am an example of this. Too often I stand in my way, blocked by my fears. I resonate with a sense of Self but know it does not bind me unless I allow it to. I have seen how by chasing down new experiences I have been able to manipulate this image of Self and with that I’ve been able to move towards living the life I desire. An attachment to a Self that I create is restricting to my progress. Let it go!

It has been with greater awareness I have been able to understand myself better, my weaknesses and self-sabotaging tendencies. In waking up, we can free ourselves from our self-imposed limitations so that I can mend, heal, improve and progress to live life as we wish.