Work with People You Want to Work With.
Thoughts From A Real Estate Agents Perspective
Written by Leigh Martinuzzi
“When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process.” Dave Pelzer
I have spent much energy and time by trying to please everyone, trying to be accepted, trying to be liked but realised I had to change my ways. I began to eliminate those I didn’t want to work with, play with, be with, progress with, achieve with and love. It’s an elimination tactic that helps me thrive. Here’s why.
As a real estate agent, I had to deal with people every day. A big part of my job was to ask people for their business, to select me as the agent to sell their house.
The ultimate goal was to make a living. However, I wanted to do the very best job I could. Provide excellent service through open, transparent and honest communication. In doing so, work together with the client to get the very best price for their property in the shortest possible time.
Why be in service to others or do anything for that matter that lacks pure intent, good ethics and morals?
I believe most agents start out with this authentic approach to sales, but as they become conditioned, they forget why they are in the industry in the first place. They become desperate. Tell Lies. Create false hope. Set high expectations they cannot meet. And lose touch with their core values. It becomes more about the transaction and less about the importance of the relationship. In part, it did happen to me, also.
Looking over the busiest six months of my real estate career I noticed a pattern. I had a high amount of sales for that period but an equal amount of properties that didn’t sell. They either withdrew their home from purchase, signed up with another agent or sat, without any motivation or effort, on the market.
I had to understand why this was that case. At that time the market was quite competitive, and in being so, I did what I could to get a listing. I choose to work with anyone rather than deciding on who I wanted to work with based on my values and listing criteria. I opened the doors to try and please everyone. That was my mistake.
I listed people who had no motivation to sell. Individuals who didn’t want to commit financially. Couples who didn’t like me but went with me because I could list them for free. If they wished to put their property on the market for an unreasonable price, against my advice, I’d agree. I aimed to please and did whatever it took to try to do so. It is a strategy that can work for some, but it wasn’t for me.
The additional time and energy that went into keeping up these charades were wasteful. On top of that, it added more stress and pressure to my already busy life.
It can be a useful strategy because the more properties I had on the market, the more homes I could list and sell. It’s a matter of perception. However, unmotivated clients are not ideal clients. The goal is to sell properties. Agents are not paid unless they do.
What I noticed is that for those properties that didn’t sell over that six-month period were those which belonged to the people who ordinarily I wouldn’t select to work with the intention to sell their home.
I put half my time and energy into trying to please these people who, no matter how hard I tried, I found I couldn’t satisfy. Probably more than half, because those that wanted to work with me trusted me to do my job and required less time, energy and effort.
The “haters” were quick to find fault and blame in my methods.
Perhaps my fault because I wasn’t integral to my values. It meant I had to be someone who I wasn’t to get their business in the first place. And if the vendors had unrealistic expectations from the beginning, it can be challenging to manage these.It is challenging to try to make someone like you, understand your approach and methodology when from the onset they didn’t like it. It’s not that these clients had a personal vendetta against me but rather what I had to offer. I could not meet their expectations. You end up adjusting your style in an attempt to try fit their needs and desires. It’s is a recipe for disaster.
There are only a few reasons in my opinion why a property won’t sell. The owner’s expectations are too high, and they don’t wish to meet the market price or that person selling the house doesn’t know how to attract buyers to view the property. If buyers see a house that they like, they will buy it or at the very least make an offer. If both parties can agree on a fair price, it’s a deal.
Half those properties I listed I knew were probably not going to sell. The reason being that they were either hoping to win the lottery (unrealistic price expectations) or because they didn’t want to invest financially in the marketing of their property. A lack of investment impacts my ability to attract potential buyers, by using advanced marketing techniques, but also indicates a lack of commitment on the seller’s behalf.
Seller’s that are not willing to commit or put skin in the game are less motivated to put in the effort required to present a home for sale. They are likely less motivated to sell and unknowingly become time wasters, both of their time, the agents and any potential buyers. As agents we are also to blame because we create false promises or hope just to gain a listing. It may be that we have the right intent but only get it wrong.
A long winded story I know. The lesson is that if I stuck to my values and listed only those people who wanted to work with me according to my rules and who I also wanted to work with in return, I would have been better off. The clients would have been better off.
Yes, some properties may still not sell because as an agent we cannot always get the property value right and some sellers aren’t as motivated as others, but with these, as an exception, I still would have saved myself many headaches with those I listed which I shouldn’t have.
Don’t become a ‘yes’ man. Someone who aims to please everyone by saying yes regardless of whether it is integral to your beliefs or values.
We say ‘yes’ because we fear rejection. We say ‘yes’ because we are desperate. We say ‘yes’ because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Saying ‘yes’ to all external demands beyond your best judgment or will remove you from being aligned with your best Self and as a result will affect your Self-worth.
When dealing with people who we don’t want to work with or associate with, we spend time and energy in trying to influence them to our ways. They do the same. If we never saw eye-to-eye in the first place why did we begin the relationship? How did we think it was going to work. We are both at fault.
We can influence others perspectives about many things in this world, but we can not change another’s desires.
To improve my results, I adopted the 80/20 rule. This rule would suggest that 80% of my results came from 20% of my activity and 20% of my results from 80% of my actions. If I was going to improve my results I was going to need to do less of the 80% that was giving me very little return – like working with the wrong customers.
Primarily, when you are not being yourself and acting aligned with your values and beliefs, you spend most of your time in activities that produce very little of the results you desire. As an agent, this is what I was doing, spending all my time trying to please people who were unpleasable when I could have better spent it satisfying those that wanted to work with me.
Shift your focus. Stop trying so hard to fit in and be someone you are not. Not everyone has to be your friend. Not everyone has to do business with you. You don’t have to try to please everyone by being someone you’re not.
Who cares what shoes you wear or clothes you buy? Who cares if others find offence in your thoughts or opinions? Who cares if the way we may conduct ourselves or live our life isn’t pleasing to everyone else?
This is me! This is what I do! This is who I am!
If we can see this and stop focusing all our attention and efforts on pleasing others, we will be better off. Instead, we can use our time to do what we love, to operate how we wish to be, only then will the results we desire start coming to fruition?
We upset people more when we try to be or promise something that we cannot deliver on. We cause ourselves more unease and dissatisfaction with this approach. It’s better to leave it alone and avoid a situation that isn’t integral to our core values. People won’t notice it, nor will they care. People are more receptive to those who are as they are.
My final thoughts.
Do work you love and do it with people you respect and those who respect you.
Work with those who are as excited and as passionate as you are.
Don’t try fit in for the sake of fitting in. Quality relationships are a fundamental human need, but they won’t grow into quality relations if you cannot be yourself.
You will be more productive and produce higher results in both business and in life when you live aligned with your values.
Effectiveness in life comes from being purposeful. There is very little purpose in trying to please everyone or being someone who you are not.
“The only way to do great work is to do the work you love.” Steve Jobs
“I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There is no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.” Eminem
“You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” Abraham Lincoln
Further Reading and Resources
TED Talks: Ideas worth spreading
Elite Daily: The Voice of Generation Y
Four Hour Work Week: How to escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich.
The Minimalists: How to pursue a minimalist lifestyle and be happier.
Mind Hacks: Tips and Tricks for Using Your Brain
Rich Roll: Plantpowered Wellness Advocate
The Art of Charm: Build confidence, feel comfortable and networking differently.
The Art of Manliness: Encouraging men to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, citizens.
Tiny Buddha: Simple wisdom for complex lives.
Mind Body Green: Lifestyle media brand dedicated to inspiring you to live your best life.
Zen Habits: Find simplicity and mindfulness in life.
Creative NonFiction: “true stories well told.”
Barking Up the Wrong Tree: science-based answers and expert insight on how to be awesome at life.
The Positivity Blog: Practical articles on happiness, self-esteem, productivity and social skills.
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